This will be the last of my Inside Out blog series for a while. It's enough to process for now and besides, I want to get back to the matter at hand-- The Bodymind.
I've been asked by a few people why I chose to expose myself and my family in such a risky way by writing these posts. I guess there are two reasons. One, I feel strongly about what I do; that sharing a lifetime of exploration into something that basically saved my life and taught me my most useful lessons- my connection to my body-- is important to me. It's my greatest offering, my purpose. But how can you believe I know what I'm talking about if you don't know who I am or how I got here?
Second, I'm pretty new to social media, and I've learned a lot from the last six months. Mostly what I see is idealized-- "we'll make you believe in yourself so you will make 6- figures in your first year". Or all of the perfect couples and idyllic weddings. But what about me? What if I don't choose to marry or don't have a partner? What if my life isn't perfect in every way; financial stability, interesting travel, lots of partying, beautiful houses and children? What if I'm aging?
That's the thing, nobody's life is perfect. It's the law of the Universe, the yin and the yang, what goes up must come down. Life is a priori a mixed bag and to pretend otherwise is not being totally truthful. So I wanted to tap into my humanity and put it out there, for my benefit as well as that of my friends and family, and illuminate a life that hasn't been perfect, even though it's been perfect for me. Unfortunately I can't sit down with each one and say all I'd like to say. So here it is in all its messiness. And I can only hope that some others might empathize and utilize some of the tools that got me through the hard times, the losses, the confusion.
I basically like who I am. I'm certainly not flawless and have developed a sense of humor about my foibles rather than berating myself for not being perfect, yet again. One of the benefits of being my age is there's really nothing to lose. It's either come clean or perish knowing I didn't take the risk to be my best self, my most examined self. I want people to know me, all of me. Had I not experienced all that I did, I wouldn't be who I am and honestly, I don't want to be anyone else. Just the best version of myself.
And why set ourselves up for disappointment? Fairytale moments, weddings and honeymoons are over in a flash. Then the real business of life kicks in. We're not attracted to our partner every moment, there are inevitable conflicts and challenges in everything. To expect a life with a white picket fence around it is not reasonable. I always come back to the law of balance in the universe-- that there has to be darkness for there to be light and crests and troughs are just the natural rhythm of things- ebb and flow, up and down. Two Buddhist concepts have always stood me in good stead-- first, that all of our suffering comes from our expectations. If we resist what is, what happens to us despite our best efforts, and expect our lives to look like something else we will inevitably suffer, over and over again.
The second Buddhist concept that changed my perspective is that every adversity is an opportunity for awakening. It's not the smooth, happy times that teach us the lessons that we need to evolve into our fully realized selves. No, unfortunately it's the times when we have to dig deeply and reassess our priorities, admit our shortcomings, find strategies and tools and answers to get us to the next place-- that's where the growth happens. And always asking ourselves "I wonder what I'm supposed to learn from this-- what this thing I am experiencing that's so difficult is meant to teach me". There's always a useful lesson or two in every hard time.
I'm not sure why we perpetrate this myth and pass it down from generation to generation-- that life should be fun and fulfilling and we should be happy all of the time. That's just the half of it. I guess it's because we don't like to see our children suffer. But once the hard knocks of life hit them right upside the head, it's too late. And often they/we don't have the coping skills to handle it. Enter substances to escape the tough realities. If I had it to do over again, I would let my children fall more and learn the hard way rather than being overly protective of them. And I would teach them how to handle real disappointment, loss and failure, and that it's no big deal to pick yourself up and begin again. Each and every time.
The great news is that it's never too late to wise up and to choose to come from curiosity rather than the insistence on the unattainable myth of Shangri-la. There is no utopia-- neither money nor the perfect person nor the best job is going to make us happy. Once we really get that and know that our happiness comes from within and from utilizing our best-self skills in service to others that we will feel how meaningful life can become. And sure, money provides freedom to explore what life has to offer and the right person gives another set of eyes to see the world through and share the journey with, but Long Story Short....events hold no value good or bad in and of themselves. It's only how we greet those events that matters and gives them meaning. Accept what life has to offer, trust you will thrive and learn what you need to learn to be happy. And btw, Mind Your Body. The body never lies.
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