It's easy to get disgusted this time of year. Winter seems endless and all of those positive changes from our ambitious New Year's resolutions don't seem to be materializing; maybe the weight isn't coming off so easily or that new relationship hasn't manifest yet or the promotion you so obviously deserve isn't forthcoming. It's easy to get discouraged.
Sometimes I get angry with the world like there's a conspiracy to keep me from getting what I want--- other people's shortcomings (jealousy or competitiveness), or a partner not anticipating my needs, or just not enough time to eat healthy and meet my fitness goals. But most often, I turn my anger inward and become self-critical and disappointed in myself. Again. I often use my frustration as a weapon to make myself right about not being worthy, talented, loveable, strong enough, etc., etc., etc.
And then there's the criticism that seems to come out of the blue and hit me upside the head. Somebody doesn't like something I did or said. I failed to meet someone else's expectations. I especially have trouble with this. I can keep reminding myself of the "one man's ceiling is another man's floor" thing, but for some reason, I keep getting thrown off balance if everybody doesn't think I'm perfect. But as Tosha Silver in “Outrageous Openness" says (great book by the way), if everyone loves you, you’re probably playing waaay too safe. If you’re real, at least a few people might be annoyed. A little criticism sometimes can be an awfully good sign.”
If this syndrome sounds familiar, chances are it's part of the unconscious habits that take over at times like these rather than our taking the opportunity to choose something different (Response Ability). And maybe like me you're tired of feeling this way over and over again. In this sense it's a blessing to get fed up-- once and for all. The discomfort has finally registered as intolerable enough to precipitate a change. As I discovered, taking charge of our lives comes from taking charge of ourselves through self-awareness and then finding tools to actually make change happen. It's up to us and it's important to acknowledge that changing habits that are so familiar to us (our comfort zone), even counterproductive ones, require persistence. I just refuse to feel this way anymore.
One strategy I discovered years ago is Behave As If -- acting as if what we want is already happening, even if it's not. This philosophy is related to the Law of Attraction that became popular in recent years (The Secret, etc.) and contends that rather than coming from what we don't have and fear we will never get (which will actually attract these things), to live instead as though we have already reached our goals. To act loveable, confident, prosperous, brave, worthy, trusting, successful and anything else we don't feel and is holding us back. But it takes moving away from a "seeing is believing" mentality to a "believing is seeing" one. We can actually create the conditions for all of these good things to manifest in our lives if we act (believe) like they are already there. "When we choose to live with a strong faith in things not seen, not proven, and not guaranteed - we tap into the power of the possible and we supersede the literal and predicable" (huffpost.com).
The second strategy that has always stood me in good stead is to come from strength and balance in the body-- the mind will follow suite. When we are depressed and discouraged, notice how this manifests in the body; we feel heavy and tired, weak and off-balance. We might even come down with an illness if it persists. But if I am feeling healthy and physically stable and powerful, my whole outlook reflects this. And creating these conditions in ourselves are very tangible and possible; we truly can take action and feel the effects almost immediately. Anytime I'm really fed up with the circumstances of my life, I always look to my body first to affect change. I make a physical connection and work methodically to create conditions to feel equilibrium and command in my bodymind.
Check back on Sunday for my Quick Read when I will offer my game plan for feeling muscular balance and power. In the meantime, connect with your body in whatever way you can and adopt the behave as if attitude and see what happens. Stand taller and walk with self-assurance. Bring your focus up and out. Breathe in confidence and well-being. Notice the response of others reflected back to you. After all, if you're really fed up, there's nothing to lose.
"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong.
The amount of work is the same."
Carlos Casteneda
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